Lifestyle

How to live happy and fulfilled

It’s 6.30 am and it’s time I welcomed myself back to the art of writing here on my blog. It has taken a social media break to make this happen so I may just have to do this more often. Giving myself more time has made me realise how I actually want to spend it. My heart wants me to write just as much as a dancer’s limbs wish for them to twirl. Everyone has a favourite output for their creativity and everyone is a creator. Everyone creates their own life from within them after all, whether they see it as magical, poisonous, somewhere in between or a little of both. It’s all beautiful to me. The little bird that tweets it’s morning song can be extremely annoying or it can be the most wonderful thing in the world. Whatever we see is a reflection of our inner world and our spirit. When we are hurt from the past, it shows up in the way we view the world. When we are worried about the future, it also shows. Both give us clues, some subtle, some right in front of us and if we ignore the subtleties we often find that they come back fiercer than ever and leave us miserable until we do something about them. These are showing up just as a physical ailment does and they are trying to get us to listen and act in order to heal.

However, when we are fully present with ourselves, we sit with all of our feelings whether uncomfortable or not, and accept them. This is the basis of meditation, for me anyway. Meditation helps me accept everything in that moment. I suppress feelings a lot, as it’s not very professional to burst out crying at work when someone has touched a nerve. I’m highly sensitive and get overwhelmed easily and hide that too – it’s just something I’ve done since a young age. Somewhere someone let me think that crying is something I should hide. Meditation allows me to bring those feelings back into focus instead of distracting myself constantly. When I meditate in the morning I carry it throughout my day. Through meditation you can feel absolute bliss but this takes time.

When I first did it, it was incredibly uncomfortable. I was not in a good place at the time with many anxious and depressive thoughts, low self esteem and one thousand limiting beliefs. When I closed my eyes I felt like my head was spinning and I physically could not keep my pupils still. Yoga nidra ended up being my gateway and I highly recommend it to anyone who feels that they can’t get a grip on sitting in silence with themselves at first. Just try not to fall asleep!

My journey inward has been so magical. From dark nights of the soul, where I was at my lowest to seeing the beauty in that struggle and being so unequivocally grateful that all of that happen to allow space for all the good and greatness in my life and for all the lessens that followed. Everyone you meet is a teacher, even yourself. Pay attention to those brought into your life as they are here for a reason. See what you can learn from them and notice that you give something back.

Everything thought I have is a metaphor for human life, for I can relate to every painting, every song, every tree, every animal and every sunrise at some time or another. A song that I may have disliked as a teenager now matches the delicate rhythms of my emotions. Some trees teach me to let go, just as they let go of their leaves each Autumn. Others, teach me to hold on. I often think in metaphors and poetry when I am present in beautiful surroundings, whether that’s in the woods or at home with my headphones on.

I don’t crave to go into my day job and confirm bacteria every day but I do it because I believe that I am where I need to be right now. It’s not my dream to buy a house but it’s my partners and I want to support his dreams as much as he supports mine. I do really want to buy a house though, it’s just not top on my list. However, buying one will open more opportunities for me. I’d be able to finally create a space I love and then save up some money to go travelling. My heart wants me to travel and capture my experiences through writing, photography and video. Just writing about it excites me! That is how you know what your dreams are.

Be grateful, be present, connect with people, realise that you are limitless, see the beauty in the struggle and follow your hearts desire. For these are components for a happy fulfilling life. I promise you won’t be disappointed.

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Lifestyle

I’m writing a book

Hi all, it’s been a while since I last wrote anything on this blog. I was trying to do a photo challenge but it felt too forced and so I wasn’t able to do it for very long. I love to be authentic and this just didn’t feel that way.

I’ve been through a lot of changes in my twenties. Recently, my life has improved greatly and I am so happy and want to share what I have been through, just because I believe I have a story worth telling.

I have no end date for it as I constantly find more things to add to it! It will be an ebook as I don’t have the funds to publish it and I would much rather do it independently anyway.

I have written about this in the past somewhere on here but for some reason I feel the need to update this website and give you a little update as to what is going on with me.

Everyday I am seeing positive change. I am living in the present, I am meditating and I am seeing the beauty in the struggle. My health has improved so much since going gluten free and this mental clarity has helped me ascend even faster than I was. I am so grateful for everything that I have been to in order to get to where I am today. Life has been beautiful recently and I am super happy! I have off days still but I listen to them and learn from them.

Thanks to those who are still following my blog despite the few posts recently.

I have, however, been posting regularly on my Youtube channel, Sarahnity, and I regularly post on my Instagram @sarahnityxo also.

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Challenges · Lifestyle · Shake It Like A Polaroid Picture · Shake It Like A Polaroid Picture Challenge

Shake It Like A Polaroid Picture Challenge // August 2017

Hi all! This is the third month where I attempt to take a decent picture with my Instax polaroid camera! The hardest part is remembering to take my camera out, which I again failed at miserably. I visited a beautiful waterfall in the Peak District, which was amazing so I was pretty gutted that I had forgotten my polaroid camera. I did, however, take another camera so if you want to see pictures of that then feel free to visit my Instagram, link to the right.

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The photo is kind of dark. I’m still learning here! Well, this month I have been painting. I don’t have talent, as you can see, so I tend to stick with abstract art, but I do really love to do it. I find that it is a good way to get my emotions out as it taps into my intuition and I just paint what I feel. So the top image is a figure lying in a sea of greens and blues and it is protected by light. You can’t see the little guy clearly but he’s got a cute smiley face. I called it ‘safety’. The second piece is up for interpretation. I covered it with some petals from my flowers before taking this photo. Some may interpret it as butt holes. Yes, it has happened. I put another meaning on it and called it ‘woman,’  as I painted it at a particular time of the month. Take what you want from it.

Thanks all,

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Lifestyle · My Health Story

How Going Gluten Free Cured Me And Why I Took My Health Into My Own Hands

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Disclaimer: Just briefly I want to write a little disclaimer because I have self diagnosed myself with a gluten intolerance. I know that self diagnosis can be dangerous so I want to put it out there and tell you to take my story with a pinch of salt. If you are not well you should always go to a doctor first. You will soon see why I decided to go gluten free on my own, after many failed doctor visits. I am not discrediting doctors at all, I just believe that if they do not help and you are suffering, that you should recognise that you are responsible for your own health and you do not have to victimise yourself or put the ball in their court.

This is going to be a very long story but I am compelled to share it to explain why I have made the decision to become gluten free but also to help others who may need it…

For most of my life I have had something wrong with my body. I had stomach aches growing up – in the cinema, at a friends house and at night are a few occasions that I recall. I assumed that I was just someone who suffered with them. I also had a lot of headaches as a teenager and felt tired a lot. I just had many different things wrong with me that seemed to be all separate from each other and over the years they got increasingly worse. This year I have discovered that they were all caused by gluten.

A couple of years prior to moving out, when I first started college, I started getting sick. I would go to college and barely eat anything until at least 3pm , because I just felt this gnarly sick feeling in my stomach. A couple of months later, I was sat on the chair in a ball on Christmas Day, refusing to eat Christmas dinner. I was eighteen at the time but it had taken a couple of months for me to tell my mother, who told me I needed to get to the doctors as it sounded like an acid issue. I was diagnosed with acid reflux and was given PPIs to treat it, drugs that I would take for a few more years. Despite taking these drugs I still had issues. I also found out that ibuprofen was a potential cause of acid reflux and I was suffering from chronic headaches and ibuprofen were the only drugs that helped. I had experienced regular stomach aches from a very young age and since moving out I had more stomach upsets than was normal.

Also at college, I became anxious over why I felt so weak and out of breath a lot and discovered that I had an iron deficiency. I started to feel more aware of my body at this time. In fact, I started to believe that I had had this issue for years but I believed it was just normal to feel that way. I was put on iron tablets that really upset my stomach but I felt like I had to put up with them.

As I mentioned earlier, I suffered from chronic headaches. I remember having my first one when I was about 12 and being given half an ibuprofen to help. I was crying over it. From about the age of 16, I began to get headaches regularly and it was extremely rare for me to go a week without having one or two and even then that was a good week. I went to see a doctor about this issue and she asked me if I paid for prescriptions, to which I answered no, then gave me a prescription for 100 co-codamol tablets. After taking  one when I next had a headache, it remained and with it came nausea, drowsiness and I felt very groggy. It was not nice, although I soon developed migraines  to which I took them as they were the only thing that helped. I would rather feel like that with lessened pain and fall asleep easily than suffer the symptoms of one of those attacks. Again, I thought I was just someone who suffered with many headaches and occasional migraines.

I left college and started straight away in a full time job. However, it was more than full time. I was overworked and could never catch up on sleep. A 50-60 hour week in four days was becoming the norm and my mind and body struggled. That is when my menstrual cycle started to mess up big time and I experienced a lot of brain fog, dizziness, exhaustion and anxiety. Back I went to the doctors for more iron tablets and I took a few days off work to recover. I went back feeling a little better, but I was very aware that redundancy was looming and the place I worked would soon be closing down.

I moved into a house share after my roommate moved out and I was becoming jobless anyway so I really needed an affordable place to live. I began having a lot more more anxiety soon after moving and I sought help from the NHS, which did not help an awful lot. I was probably suffering from adrenal fatigue or something similar too and my acid reflux was still a problem and all of these symptoms worried me and gave me anxiety. I would often wake up in the night and take Gaviscon in order to be able to go back to sleep. I used to worry what these drugs were doing to my body. I went back to the doctors and agreed to have a gastroscopy, which meant that a camera was to be inserted down my throat and into my stomach to see what was going on in there. As nervous as it made me, I felt it was time. My heart was pounding as the nurse gave me the throat spray and a sedative and then immediately afterwards they begun to insert the tube. I had imagined that the sedative would relax me but I assume the adrenaline was too much and it did not make me feel drowsy or calm until later on. I panicked and apparently, although I do not remember this as the sedative did make me feel drunk, I pulled the tube out. They offered me to go back but I said no. I felt relieved. I decided to come off the medication permanently and try and fix the issue myself. I tried many different things but changing my diet to a healthier one with less of the foods that triggered me helped the most. I also bought a wedge pillow to sleep on at night so I am elevated and it worked as I rarely wake up with acid reflux now. At the time, I was still experiencing it quite often but I had heard of the long term effects of PPIs and I did not want any more medical intervention.

My health got a lot worse when my menstrual cycle became increasingly insufferable. I had never felt pain as severe in my entire life and I had to deal with migraines, which were awful. My cycle started to become irregular and shorter, occurring every three weeks at times, but no more than four weeks. The pain was so severe that pain medication barely touched it. I could not stand up straight for up to two days. At first, I believed it was entirely due to stress. It felt as if the pain was inside my bowels and something was tearing my insides up. The bloating, soreness and fatigue that followed after an episode was bad too but I still made myself go into work on these days – I had a new job by then. Sometimes I was lucky and got it on my weekend and on others, I would have no choice but to phone in sick or get to do a job sitting down, which there were few. The pain was sometimes constant and sometimes it came in waves. When the latter happened I curled myself in a tense ball, unable to move or speak and I had to really force myself to breathe. When it lessened I would reach for the remote control and put something light hearted on the TV to try and take my mind off it. Hot water bottles and F.R.I.E.N.D.S became a source of comfort for me. Every month I would head off to see a doctor or nurse. I was getting so fed up with this and I felt like I was not being listened to. I wanted scans not drugs. I wanted to get to the root cause of what I believed was endometriosis, even though I was terrified that I would need to be operated on. I was more terrified that I would have to spend my life in this condition. The doctor gave me special anti-inflammatory drugs that reduced clotting, despite me saying I could not take them due to acid reflux. Still, I tried and they did indeed fail me and made my stomach upset for days. I was constantly being told to take the contraceptive pill and each time I refused because I had experienced bad side effects on it. Eventually, as the pain became worse and my tolerance for it became less, I reluctantly agreed to take one that did not contain any oestrogen. Although the pain decreased after several different ones, the other effects were evident and I was becoming further and further detached from who I was. I started to feel like a different person. I found it incredibly hard to feel happy and I never once experienced excitement for over a year. It was as if I was not able to on it. After a year or so, I had enough and stopped my prescription. A few weeks of dreaded hormonal changes occurred but almost instantly I began to feel more clarity and I felt like me again.

Whilst all of this was happening, I was also suffering with bladder issues. Daily pain and discomfort happened for years. Chronic cystitis is something that I believed that I had, but yet again I was not diagnosed with anything. Every time it got bad and I had a flare up, as I called it, I went to the doctors who tested me for a UTI, which came back negative in the office. So they would send me away with a prescription for antibiotics, which gave me more stomach complaints. They would send my urine off to be cultured, which always came back negative or inconclusive – having too many large particles or blood in it. Every time I went the same thing happened until eventually I did not want to take antibiotics as I was sure it was not an infection. So I was naughty and did not take them this one time and guess what? The symptoms reduced on their own. The doctors did not want to do any tests claiming that I was just suffering from UTIs and I stopped going to them about that issue and started researching for myself.

I was still experiencing random stomach issues. One day I woke up in the night in the most severe stomach pain. It was the worst pain that I had ever felt. My body started to sweat profusely and I could not stay still or cool down so I went outside. It was winter thankfully. I took some Gaviscon to see if it would help but threw them up. It felt as if my stomach lining was inflamed and something was just not right. I got Carl to drive me to the hospital but once I arrived I felt the pain lessen. We sat outside in the car in the early hours of the morning to see if it would go down. As I was feeling signs of  it improving, I got him to drive me home. I had been in A&E before and if I was going to feel better on my own I did not want to experience that again. The next day my stomach was so sore and I made a doctor’s appointment. Again, I received a course of PPIs, which I took despite thinking that I had just a freak episode. However, I knew in my gut (no pun intended) that something was just not right with me.

My symptoms were piling up and I was worried that they were just going to get worse. I remember going around IKEA on my birthday one year and being in a tremendous amount of pain but it was my birthday and my partner was going to buy me some drawers that I wanted and so off we went! Every single bump on the road was uncomfortable and once we arrived, I spent the whole time bent over, walking like someone in labour. Once we got home, I bathed and spent the rest of the day and the next day in bed, with a hot water bottle. I was so incredibly sore and gutted that this was what my life was coming to. The day before, Carl and I had gone to visit, and eat dinner, with two of my closest friends who lived away for university. We ate at Zizzis and I had a pizza. I remember my stomach not feeling to great afterwards but it was not terrible at the time. That day, after visiting IKEA,  I started to wonder if there was a connection between my diet and the pain of menstruation. I researched and found out that meat, dairy and gluten can be a cause of inflammation. I rarely ate meat anyway so going vegetarian was a simple decision. I had always hated the meat industry but it took something like this for me to look into it more. A few months later of doing research into whether it would benefit my health and finding out a lot about how cruel the dairy and egg industries were, I decided to go vegan.

A few months in of taking the pill and being vegan I was feeling better and decided to quit the pill to see if I still needed to take it for the pain. The first month in, I experienced less pain, but it was still there and it still was not nice. I had started doing yoga to help with the stress I was feeling and I also started to look more into a gluten free diet. I found out that many people who had endometriosis had decreased symptoms when they took on this diet. I decided to at least try it. After a few days I felt better in myself. The bowel and period pain that I had suffered with disappeared. I could not believe it. However, I was still consuming some gluten – a few cakes now and again  and sometimes some bread. I was not being strict. I was still experiencing acid reflux and a few other symptoms. I read up on elimination diets and I knew I had to give gluten up completely and then reintroduce it in order to see if I was intolerant/sensitive to it, especially as I thought maybe there was another reason why I was feeling better, such as stress management. Although, I think that the decrease in symptoms really allowed me to feel stressed less. In the weeks to come I felt a lot better and I found out that there was a possibility that I had Coeliac Disease. I did some research into this and found out that I had experienced a lot of the symptoms which had gone away once I stopped consuming gluten. I had these ulcers on the bottom of my tongue that flared up every month and stayed for days and the headaches, migraines, dizziness, brain fog, anxiety, tiredness, iron deficiencies, stomach issues, bladder issues, menstruation issues and more were all possible symptoms. Gluten can also cause these issues if you are sensitive to it (non-coeliac gluten sensitivity – something many people do not think exists). I was feeling ill less and less and I wanted to be tested to see if I had this condition, as it requires you to be very diligent because gluten is very harmful if you suffer from the disease. I looked into getting tested for , however, first you need to be consuming gluten regularly for several weeks and then you need to have a blood test to see if you have certain antibodies in your blood and if you do then you have a 10% (I think) chance of having the disease so then you need to have a biopsy which is done via a gastroscopy (eek).

I tried incorporating gluten back into my diet after a few weeks of not eating much of it and I became ill again. I ended up taking a day off work. I just felt like I could not do it anymore. So I gave it up completely, not realising that I still was not being as diligent as I could be – traces and contamination were potential issues. For a couple of months I thought about reintroducing it again because I did not want to tell people without having an official diagnosis. I tried to reintroduce it again but the same thing happened. I had to face the fact that I was gluten intolerant. I knew my body and I knew what it had been through. I did not want to be sick again and I read that once you have given it up for a few months, you can in fact become increasingly sensitive to it, so I just cannot take that risk. I also did not want it to take over the amazing quality of life that I have recently been experiencing. I have time for other interests now that my health is not taking over my life. I do not want to take any more days off work because of it either – the days I took off with stomach issues, feeling incredibly sick, migraines, bladder ‘infections’ and even dizziness could all have been prevented. Rarely did I have a day off because I had a virus, it was usually something else. I also do not want to spend any more days at work feeling ill, pretending that I am okay, as I do not like the attention, wishing to be home. I am done. I am gluten free for good and I will not look back anymore. I want to take care of my health and allowing myself to heal is all that matters now.

If you are sick, your body is trying to tell you something. Do not ignore it and seek help and if that does not help, do your own research. It does not make you a hypochondriac if you Google your symptoms. I was doing this weekly. You are responsible for your own health. I am going to the doctors to discuss my discovery, in case you were wondering, but I will not be having any tests as I do not want to damage my body anymore.

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spirituality

Synchronicity & My Recent Experiences

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A synchronicity is a meaningful coincidence. I first experienced these after I read the book The Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield. The book is incredible for spiritual growth. Signs exist and are a way for you to connect your consciousness to the physical world. Your intuition plays a big part in discovering signs and synchronicities. Once you look for them and recognise them, it’s like magic. In my eyes, they are a special gift from the universe, to help guide you towards what you truly desire. I have also found that there are no bad signs or synchronocities. They are all positive and they do help you create a more positive mindset. I have had several experiences with these. Some have been major, showing me a clear path and others have been minor but have all been cool to experience nonetheless.

I am only going to share a few minor ones that i had experienced in a very short period of time because the larger ones I am saving for another purpose. I believe that these are all synchronicities.

Bins

I had a dream about the bins at work as they had given us a small one to put the rubbish in, instead of a large one. I had a dream that instead of giving us a large one that they had given us two small ones. A few days later, after my weekend, that is exactly what they had done. I could hardly believe that we had two small bins. The chances were so small.

Bohemian Rhapsody

At work someone said that they had a song stuck i their head that they could not get out. I said, in my head, that when that happens I sing Bohemian Rhapsody as an alternative. Straight after thinking that, my friend asked me if I had seen the video online that had been taken before a Green Day gig where the whole crowd were singing Bohemian Rhapsody. I was really surprised!

Ants

I had a thought that there had not been any ants in work, as sometimes get them in the summer. The next day I saw one crawling up the outside of my locker. Someone pointed a few couple out that were scouting in the corridor and as I walked into work, a few people were staring at one. It was pretty strange.

As you can see, these are very little synchronicities but I wanted to share them with you. Even though they might not sound meaningful, I can assure you that they were to me and they made me happy.

Have you had any similar experiences? If not, start paying attention and amazing things will come your way. You need to be aware to be awake.

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Challenges · Shake It Like A Polaroid Picture · Shake It Like A Polaroid Picture Challenge

Shake It Like A Polaroid Picture Challenge // July 2017

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My new photo album and my photo of the month

It was a challenge to take a decent photo this month. I had tried a few times but had failed. Before I get into it, let me show this new photo album that I from Amazon.

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It’s not made of leather, as some of them are, which is awesome! It was only £7.99, which is really good value as the quality is fantastic.

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There’s quite a few slots so you can insert your (amateur) cute pet photos in!

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As well as your holiday snaps! If you are interested you can buy one here.

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So that just leaves my photo of the month. I left it really late to take the photo. It was the last weekend I could possibly take a photo and I hadn’t planned any special trips out all month. Well, I guess the problem was that I was waiting for that perfect moment, especially after taking one from Jersey last month. I had to accept that time was running out and decided to take the photo at home in a spot that I love. I often sit on the bench right outside the back door. It just happens to look out to the road and some fields but our hedge is a little overgrown so you can’t really see much of that view right now. I took a few that came out very poorly and a selfie that just was not flattering so I settled for this one. At least the sky is blue and it represents, to me, the time I spent sitting out here this month, reading, dreaming and observing.

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journal · Lifestyle

Suicide: A Symptom Of Depression? & My Experience // Journal Entry #4

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I’m here as writing is a way to process my thoughts and put them into something that makes sense. It gets them out of my head and it almost solidifies them so they are just floating around waiting to be really listened to. This is how I listen.

I’ve been thinking a lot since the second suicide from a great musician who I have admired. Chris Cornell’s death was both shocking and heartbreaking and here we are going through the same thing with Chester Bennington. I spend a lot of my years listening to Soundgarden and Linkin Park, so when both events struck I eventually ended up playing my favourites of them. Most of the time I enjoy songs with meaningful lyrics and I always pay attention to what they are saying but after something like this happens, I listen extra hard. The music sounds even better than I remember when I truly appreciate it. I think I will try my hardest to listen closer when I listen to any song.

As humans, we have this deep need to understand what is going on in someone’s mind when they decide to end their life. Some of us have experienced depression and have an idea of what those thoughts and feelings might be like but many of us can’t imagine it and it becomes something that we either bash saying that they were selfish or something else that just insults everyone who has been through mental illness. Nonetheless, no one knows what anyone’s thoughts and feelings are when they commit suicide. The voice in their head that told them to do it was not yours.

When I hear people around me talking about the cause of their deaths as depression, I close up. I put up a wall and try to ignore what they are saying. I do not want to discuss something so personal and deep with people who I have never been close to. I do not even want to discuss it with people I am relatively close to. The only person I am comfortable enough to discuss it with is my partner, and then I still find it incredibly hard. To most people, I shut off this part of myself. Online, somehow, is different.

In my head right now, depression seems like a distant memory. In reality, it happened to me pretty recently and on several occasions. The most recent one was probably the longest period that just seemed to never go away. I did a lot of considering before I could even think that I was depressed. For me, depression was the start of a spiritual awakening. I’m not enlightened, but I am awake, for those know what I mean. I went through some really hard times where I would spend the day crying, in bed. Every morning I would wake up and check to see if I was still depressed. I had some horrible thoughts about life. I did not think that it was worth living because of all the suffering that we have to endure. Most of the time, I wished that I did not exist. Despite all of these reoccurring negative thoughts, I never once thought that I would kill myself. I sometimes imagined it but it was always so horrific that I could separate myself from those thoughts and not act on them quite easily.

When I came out of my depression, it was as if the depression was my wake up call. It happened a lot quicker than I thought and I began to recognise how the depression was magnifying my negative thoughts and attracting more just like them. At the time, they felt very true. My mindset began to shift, as I wrote in Journal Entry #2. I grew so much after that experience and I do not wish that it did not happen. Once my mindset began to become more positive, I attracted more positivity into my life. I began to wake up every morning and see great possibilities and life excited me. Life excites me.

Some people just do not get it. What is to gain from suicide? It is the ultimate end to a temporary problem. Depression makes you think that it will last forever and it tricks you into thinking life is just going to get worse. What I am trying to say is that depression is an illness and suicide is a symptom of that illness. If you have never experienced that illness how can you possibly judge so harshly?

spirituality

Path Of The Highly Sensitive Person


Everyone has some kind of sensitivity, even if it’s the tiniest thing. However, when you’ve grown up with so many sensitivities and you are constantly feeling overwhelmed with everyday life, you might think something is wrong with you. The paths of the sensitive folks, who have struggled with their sensitivities, from what I’ve read and heard, have many similarities. The struggle of being different and feeling deeply gets too much, chronic illness prevails and you try to fix it. At some point you discover that you are a highly sensitive person and you feel relieved and get that ‘ohh, that explains so much’ moment. You see it as a curse until you find another like you who is saying that it doesn’t have to be. You discover a new mindset, a new way of nuturing yourself and loving yourself that allows you to bloom. You become elated, happy and free and your sensitivities become a spectacular gift. You are so lucky to experience your sensitivities. Every moment you are experiencing these amazing gifts. Let me know if you are on a similar path. 

It’s only through connecting with other HSPs, mainly through the Internet, that we can continue helping each other along our paths.

journal

Thoughts And Feelings On Mum’s 50th Birthday // Journal Entry #3

Today was my Mum’s 50th birthday and I did something really nice for her. I bought her a tablet and a couple of other things. I’d never usually spend more than £10 on a gift for her and I’ve never thought why. This gift wasn’t just more expensive than normal but it was more thoughtful. It’s given her the chance to use the Internet on something larger than her mobile and it will also help with her artwork. She paints portraits and usually has a picture of someone on her mobile screen! I don’t know how she has coped with it for so long. Now she has a larger screen to see pictures better. I bought it this morning and then gave it to her this afternoon, before her party. She loved it and was very impressed. She said thank you many times! That was a success. It feels really good to make others feel happy. 

At the party, I got to see some of my family, which is always really nice. I live a little away from them so I often just see them at these events. I spoke a lot with my Godmother (although I wouldn’t identify myself as Christian) and her new fiancée which was lovely. The conversation was flowing really well and I often worry about this in social events, being introverted and a little socially anxious. However, my partner always helps as he is extraverted and not at all socially anxious! We actually had many interesting conversations. Who knew you could learn a lot from other people and not just from the Internet?! Yeah, I’m late to the party.

At one point my Mum invited me to visit a couple of tables, which was really nice of her because I find it hard to approach them, although I often wish to! I met a cousin who I have had no contact with in the past and she was lovely. An uncle was quite distant with our family when I was growing up but recently had reconnected with us. I didn’t get chance to speak to everyone that I wanted to but I’m sure there will be other opportunities in the future.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve found it easier to talk to family members that I wouldn’t have done when I was younger. I feel more respected and have a lot more to say to them as an adult. I was very shy and insecure as a child so that was probably one of the reasons. I truly feel that we should address children the way we address adults. They aren’t invisible and they take in everything!

My new outlook on life still remains and social events are becoming easier and more and more successful! Right now, I’m drained from it but at the time, and on the return journey, I felt really good. I often don’t want to go to them, but once I get there and I am immersed in what people are saying and what I am saying, nothing else matters to me in that moment. It’s just another way to be present. I get so caught up with my own thoughts and with conversations going on in my head that being social is actually helping me to feel better. If that makes any sense at all! 

At the end of the party, I offered to take Mum’s presents back to the house as they didn’t come in a car. I’m just really enjoying doing nice things for people, whilst putting myself first of course.

I just wanted to record this day right now. I’m in the bath with my phone so this was the only way I wanted to do it – journals and bath water don’t mix. 

Challenges · Shake It Like A Polaroid Picture · Shake It Like A Polaroid Picture Challenge

Shake It Like A Polaroid Picture Challenge // June 2017

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Alas my pretty Instax Mini 8 camera, my all important fidget spinner and my photo of the month.

For our five year anniversary, I got my partner a model camaro and he bought me an Instax camera. He gave me it a few days early so I could practice taking photos on it before we went on holiday to Jersey. I must say it was a little more difficult than I thought it would be and many of my first pictures were overexposed and came out white. After reading the instructions (I rarely do this) I figured out how to take half decent pictures and I was away! The camera is just buckets of fun and creativity and the camera itself is so cute (yeah, I can say that about my camera if I want to). I highly recommend getting one if you are into photography.

In June, I decided that in order to improve my photos taken with the camera and in order to not overuse or underuse it, I will go out with the camera every month, take a few photos and select one to be the photo to represent that month. I will then share that photo on my blog.

Before I show you the photo of the month, even though you can kind of see it in the photo above, I want to show you my cute case that Carl also bought me.

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The thing that makes these cases great, is not just how cute and attractive they are, is not just the way they feel, but it’s the practicality of them. The top clips on with poppers and you can either take it off completely or just flip it over so you don’t actually have to remove the camera from the case to take a photo.

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Carl bought me this one because he knows I am a sucker for cute designs! There are so many different cases you can buy online but most of them are leather so I recommend this one. If you are looking for a non leather one then hopefully this will save you time. There are three different colours.

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This is it flipped over and ready to take a shot.

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This is it. My June 2017 photo of the month. You may be looking hard at it and wondering what it is! Well, that is because I am not yet an expert at taking photos with the camera and also because it was flipping hard to take a photo of a photo on a bright day with a glossy finish. Ha! The photo was taken on our last evening in Jersey. We took a stroll out to the beach front. What is amazing is that the tide comes right up to the sea wall and you can see the waves crashing over the wall. The first time it happened to us we ran away and we were amazed! So much so that we wanted to take some photos of it happening. It was fun to watch it and it was also fun to watch other people casually walking and then quickly jumping out of the way. Being the last evening, I wanted to use this photo to commemorate our trip. The photo takes me back to that evening and shows me that the trip was so much fun.

I’m planning on getting some accessories for it so watch this space! I’ll be sharing them on here in the next few months. Carl did get me a really cute case that said that it was made out of synthetic leather and on looking again so I could share the link with you, it says PU leather lower down in the description so it is being sent back. Just a little misleading but there’s no way I’d be sporting a leather case! However, most of them are, much to my annoyance.

Do you have an Instax Mini camera? Or a polaroid camera? Would you consider doing a challenge like this?

Look after for my July photo at the beginning of next month.

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