spirituality

Path Of The Highly Sensitive Person


Everyone has some kind of sensitivity, even if it’s the tiniest thing. However, when you’ve grown up with so many sensitivities and you are constantly feeling overwhelmed with everyday life, you might think something is wrong with you. The paths of the sensitive folks, who have struggled with their sensitivities, from what I’ve read and heard, have many similarities. The struggle of being different and feeling deeply gets too much, chronic illness prevails and you try to fix it. At some point you discover that you are a highly sensitive person and you feel relieved and get that ‘ohh, that explains so much’ moment. You see it as a curse until you find another like you who is saying that it doesn’t have to be. You discover a new mindset, a new way of nuturing yourself and loving yourself that allows you to bloom. You become elated, happy and free and your sensitivities become a spectacular gift. You are so lucky to experience your sensitivities. Every moment you are experiencing these amazing gifts. Let me know if you are on a similar path. 

It’s only through connecting with other HSPs, mainly through the Internet, that we can continue helping each other along our paths.

journal

Thoughts And Feelings On Mum’s 50th Birthday // Journal Entry #3

Today was my Mum’s 50th birthday and I did something really nice for her. I bought her a tablet and a couple of other things. I’d never usually spend more than £10 on a gift for her and I’ve never thought why. This gift wasn’t just more expensive than normal but it was more thoughtful. It’s given her the chance to use the Internet on something larger than her mobile and it will also help with her artwork. She paints portraits and usually has a picture of someone on her mobile screen! I don’t know how she has coped with it for so long. Now she has a larger screen to see pictures better. I bought it this morning and then gave it to her this afternoon, before her party. She loved it and was very impressed. She said thank you many times! That was a success. It feels really good to make others feel happy. 

At the party, I got to see some of my family, which is always really nice. I live a little away from them so I often just see them at these events. I spoke a lot with my Godmother (although I wouldn’t identify myself as Christian) and her new fiancée which was lovely. The conversation was flowing really well and I often worry about this in social events, being introverted and a little socially anxious. However, my partner always helps as he is extraverted and not at all socially anxious! We actually had many interesting conversations. Who knew you could learn a lot from other people and not just from the Internet?! Yeah, I’m late to the party.

At one point my Mum invited me to visit a couple of tables, which was really nice of her because I find it hard to approach them, although I often wish to! I met a cousin who I have had no contact with in the past and she was lovely. An uncle was quite distant with our family when I was growing up but recently had reconnected with us. I didn’t get chance to speak to everyone that I wanted to but I’m sure there will be other opportunities in the future.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve found it easier to talk to family members that I wouldn’t have done when I was younger. I feel more respected and have a lot more to say to them as an adult. I was very shy and insecure as a child so that was probably one of the reasons. I truly feel that we should address children the way we address adults. They aren’t invisible and they take in everything!

My new outlook on life still remains and social events are becoming easier and more and more successful! Right now, I’m drained from it but at the time, and on the return journey, I felt really good. I often don’t want to go to them, but once I get there and I am immersed in what people are saying and what I am saying, nothing else matters to me in that moment. It’s just another way to be present. I get so caught up with my own thoughts and with conversations going on in my head that being social is actually helping me to feel better. If that makes any sense at all! 

At the end of the party, I offered to take Mum’s presents back to the house as they didn’t come in a car. I’m just really enjoying doing nice things for people, whilst putting myself first of course.

I just wanted to record this day right now. I’m in the bath with my phone so this was the only way I wanted to do it – journals and bath water don’t mix. 

Challenges · Shake It Like A Polaroid Picture Challenge

Shake It Like A Polaroid Picture Challenge // June 2017

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Alas my pretty Instax Mini 8 camera, my all important fidget spinner and my photo of the month.

For our five year anniversary, I got my partner a model camaro and he bought me an Instax camera. He gave me it a few days early so I could practice taking photos on it before we went on holiday to Jersey. I must say it was a little more difficult than I thought it would be and many of my first pictures were overexposed and came out white. After reading the instructions (I rarely do this) I figured out how to take half decent pictures and I was away! The camera is just buckets of fun and creativity and the camera itself is so cute (yeah, I can say that about my camera if I want to). I highly recommend getting one if you are into photography.

In June, I decided that in order to improve my photos taken with the camera and in order to not overuse or underuse it, I will go out with the camera every month, take a few photos and select one to be the photo to represent that month. I will then share that photo on my blog.

Before I show you the photo of the month, even though you can kind of see it in the photo above, I want to show you my cute case that Carl also bought me.

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The thing that makes these cases great, is not just how cute and attractive they are, is not just the way they feel, but it’s the practicality of them. The top clips on with poppers and you can either take it off completely or just flip it over so you don’t actually have to remove the camera from the case to take a photo.

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Carl bought me this one because he knows I am a sucker for cute designs! There are so many different cases you can buy online but most of them are leather so I recommend this one. If you are looking for a non leather one then hopefully this will save you time. There are three different colours.

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This is it flipped over and ready to take a shot.

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This is it. My June 2017 photo of the month. You may be looking hard at it and wondering what it is! Well, that is because I am not yet an expert at taking photos with the camera and also because it was flipping hard to take a photo of a photo on a bright day with a glossy finish. Ha! The photo was taken on our last evening in Jersey. We took a stroll out to the beach front. What is amazing is that the tide comes right up to the sea wall and you can see the waves crashing over the wall. The first time it happened to us we ran away and we were amazed! So much so that we wanted to take some photos of it happening. It was fun to watch it and it was also fun to watch other people casually walking and then quickly jumping out of the way. Being the last evening, I wanted to use this photo to commemorate our trip. The photo takes me back to that evening and shows me that the trip was so much fun.

I’m planning on getting some accessories for it so watch this space! I’ll be sharing them on here in the next few months. Carl did get me a really cute case that said that it was made out of synthetic leather and on looking again so I could share the link with you, it says PU leather lower down in the description so it is being sent back. Just a little misleading but there’s no way I’d be sporting a leather case! However, most of them are, much to my annoyance.

Do you have an Instax Mini camera? Or a polaroid camera? Would you consider doing a challenge like this?

Look after for my July photo at the beginning of next month.

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journal

Acceptance + Ascension // Journal Entry #2

I’m sat on my sofa with the curtains drawn on a Friday morning and I’ve just started my three day weekend. I have Netflix on the TV as I didn’t want to turn it off whilst writing and it’s distracting but I don’t really care. I just knocked my glass off the stool for the second time this week. It was funnier the first time but I still don’t mind. These past few days have been different. I’ve felt this air around me for the first time in a while and I’m really fucking happy.

It’s 10.51 am and I haven’t showered and I’m no where near ready to leave my house. I just opened the door for my dog and breathed in the most satisfying air. I was met with a grey sky against a dark green field and it was beautiful. I always thought that I wanted the sky to be blue and the sun to be out always because I felt happier and more energetic that way. It’s as if, in my mind, I had decided that I couldn’t be happy unless the weather was ‘perfect,’ but what the fuck is perfect. I never realised that it was my mind that has been feeding me this depressed fucked up shit this entire time. I’ve only just understood why people swear. Sometimes there are no other words that convey strong feelings. As I was saying, I have been trapped in a depressed mindset for far too long.

I went on holiday hoping that it would make every thing okay again. A couple of days later, I found myself miserable crying to my partner, on a bench in Jersey, about how it’s not okay that I still feel this way. I don’t even know where this came from but I now believe it was from years of stress, or what I like to call my entire life. Okay that’s not completely true, but it’s effective and reveals the contrast between then and now. After a long period of stress, depression often results. I was waking up every day and checking to see if I was still depressed. Now I wake up every day wondering what good the day has in store for me. The difference is indescribable. If you are depressed, give it a try. It’s a little tip from a course I’ve been doing.

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Right, back to the holiday. A day later I spent some time on Plemont Beach reading the letting go chapter from the book, ‘The Untethered Soul.’ It’s a wonderful book. After the time I spent in nature with Carl, the walking we did, reading that chapter and being in the present, things started looking up. Exercise is something I want to keep up, but for now I have decided to take up yoga at home, and not just at my weekly class and I am already seeing benefits. I spend a lot of time in nature anyway but I’d love to spend more time with Carl so I’m making the most of the time we do have together. The biggest challenge for me on holiday, was also the thing that kicked me up the butt towards a different mindset. I used the law of attraction for the first time and it revealed something amazing to me. After the challenge was presented and I saw what it meant, I wrote a few pages on this for my book so I’m not going to ruin that by posting it here. I will say that I am amazed that it actually works. I had some doubts but I decided to fully act on it and the outcome was life changing. Really embracing the way I feel is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.

After a truly beautiful holiday, I had to return home. My emotions were being tipped over the edge by raging hormones but I probably would have still felt the same. Being a highly sensitive person, I find transition more of a challenge than others. I sat on the sofa all day, crying that my life was not a holiday. Wow does that sound like I’m selfish and ungrateful but I’m writing you my true feelings. I have nothing to hide. I had the holiday blues, post holiday depression or whatever you want to call it. A couple of days later I went to yoga and left feeling a lot more free. You see, freedom is what I craved. I wanted to be free to experience more amazing things and I thought that I had to be travelling to do this. All I really needed to free was my fear. If you are comfortable with the outcome, fear cannot touch you. We are tiny beings on a small planet spinning around a ball of explosions, in a vast universe and we are afraid of being afraid.

I came home expecting things to be different right away but they weren’t. A small part of me feared going home to that same life. I felt as though I was just going back to where I was. However, I realised that I am never going backwards. Growth is my reason for living, my purpose. Surely, growth is the reason we all live. What else can we do but live and grow?

One of my thoughts that my depressed mind created to torment me was that life was not worth living because of suffering. I Googled the hell out of it but everything I saw confirmed it. I was suffering so there was no point. There was just so much crap whizzing through my head that I truly believed. Now I’m out from that place, I can see clearly that my negativity was creating more negativity. Depression actually lets you believe things that are not true. It swallows everything that is good and punches you internally until you are ready to grow from it. It was trying to tell me something. My life was how I perceived it and it didn’t need to be this way. It could be different if I just accepted it. I stopped believing that I didn’t want to exist anymore and I am now living because what else am I meant to do with this life? Life is for living.

I am still here on my sofa reflecting over the past few days. I have really enjoyed the conversations I’ve had. Opening up to people isn’t easy when you are closed off but once I opened up my heart to everything I stop feeling that discomfort. I am still a little fearful because I know I won’t always feel this good in every moment but I’ve learned to accept that fear and to accept that discomfort, as it can only do me good. From here, I can only ascend.

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Lifestyle

What I’ve Been Up To

I felt compelled to write so here’s some things that I’ve been up to recently.

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Jersey

I had the most wonderful week away in Jersey, which is a Channel Island. My Dad recommended it to us and we weren’t really sure what to expect. It turns out that this little island is an absolute gem. There is so much to do and it was absolutely beautiful! The beaches are pristine, the ocean is a wonderful colour and everywhere was so pretty. I can’t wait to go back and do the things we didn’t get chance to do. My favourite things were the beaches and the botanical gardens.

Yoga

I have not been able to get enough of yoga recently. Sun salutations have become so pleasurable! When I got back from holiday I attended two yoga classes that week because I had another week off work. The three classes I’ve been to recently have been outside in a garden and, if you don’t already know from my Instagram account, I absolutely adore nature. I mean, how can you not? I feel so connected to the earth when doing yoga outside. We have been doing some heat building postures, which I have loved. They make me feel great! I also had to buy a new yoga mat for home and since it has come I have been doing more yoga at home. The more I do, the better I feel so that in itself is really encouraging. I am going again tomorrow morning!

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Belton House & Grounds

If you live in or near Lincolnshire and haven’t been here I recommend that you do. I’d say the only downside is the cost, but if you’re a National Trust member I think you can go for free. I really need to get a membership! I haven’t been in the house in years but the grounds are extensive. There’s neatly pruned gardens and some more wild areas (guess which area I prefer). There’s also a boating lake, which is home to many geese! It’s a really nice place to spend a Sunday afternoon, although in the summer it can get a little too busy. I find myself enjoying it more when there are less people about.

Projects

I do like to have a couple of projects on the go. I’ve started doing a social media management course that I’m finding really interesting. I’m also, slowly, writing a book. My book is about how I’ve come to the place I am at now and there’s some things that have been happening recently that I’ve wanted to put in it so it’s still a continuous thing. I am really enjoying writing it but I am struggling a little with consistency but I am pretty lucky to have my sister, a literature student, editing it for me. It’s a big help and I don’t think I could do it so well without her. The final project, which you will see in a few days, is one I’ve just started this month. My partner got me an Instax (polaroid) camera. We had fun taking photos on holiday with it. I have decided to take one decent photo a month on it, to represent that month for me. So this month is obviously going to be a holiday snap. I’m also hoping it will get me out more. I have always liked photography but with me taking lots of photos for my Instagram account, my love for the hobby has increased!

Thanks for reading,

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journal · Lifestyle

Living In This Crazy, Crazy World // My Journal #1

I have been having a lot of random thoughts and I find it hard to bring them all together but here I am trying.

Society is the collective of those are living and those who lived before us, setting out guidelines and setting out standards of how we should live or however you see it. It can be a gift, a disaster or, for most of us, somewhere in between.

When I logged onto my computer this morning, I saw hate and negativity everywhere. I couldn’t even twist a tiny bit of it into something positive. It made me think a lot about how society works and how we are so influenced. How where we live, where we are from, our gender, sex, income, beliefs and opinions separate us all, but our building blocks, humanity and how we are all part of this crazy, crazy world make us all the same

Opinions are what drives our differences. An opinion that associates a particular group of people with negativity, only drives more negativity. It also drives more opposition. Hate literally breeds hate – it’s positive feedback in anthropogenic form. I can see how it happens, clearly, and that’s what worries me the most. How do I even come to terms with reality when it literally is creating a storm? I am having a hard time accepting it.

I searched for hope, for others with the opinions of mine and felt saved when I found many. It’s so understandable why people turn to hate. Fear is at the base of it all. Ultimately all of these negative bases drive more negativity, more division and more hatred. I am blessed to be living this life that I have. Although, I am exposed to the Internet, where I see a lot of negativity, I can make this connection and I can see that I live a life full of privilege. I can chose to be positive as it is a choice. I can switch off my computer, go outside and feel the air on my face, the sun through my eyes and the sounds of the birds. I can do what makes me feel alive. I can inspire others to see the light and to not feed the hate. That’s all and it’s not enough, but maybe it is for today.

I’ve never felt like a part of society and wanted to run away from it, but I have realised that we are all part of it. Every single person on this planet plays their part in it. So I can’t blame it for anything. However, I’d like to remain on the edge of it, with my far ‘leftist’ views. I hate that word. What’s worse is that I deeply believe that everyone has the right to their own opinion, even if I despise it. It physically taunts me to hear the opinions of other people who think the complete opposite to me, even though I understand that everyone is different and it wouldn’t work if we were all the same and so on. Blah blah blah. Seeing both sides makes it harder.

To save my self from a mental breakdown, I am going to completely switch off from other people’s opinions today, do some yoga, breathe in some fresh air and be present in myself. I’m so sensitive that I need some time to process as writing can only do so much for me right now.

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S/N: Have you ever experienced this? When something awful happens and you are just sat by yourself and everything is so peaceful because it’s over and it’s just you and nothing can change that.

Lifestyle

Writing Comes Easier Than Talking // So I Write

This blog represents me – scattered, authentic, passionate, compassionate, and spontaneous. I have many passions, many feelings and many thoughts that I want to share, which is why this blog is the way it is. It isn’t professional or direct. It’s raw, honest and vulnerable.

As someone who has a desire to write, this blog and my Instagram account fulfills that desire.  I’m not sure if it is the same for all writers.  I find myself jumbling over speech. I have thoughts that are clear but when I try to speak them I struggle. I’m not incapable, I just feel that there is a translation error from thought to voice. Words come out easily, but they don’t often convey what I’m trying to say. Writing feels more like my primary form of communication. There’s no need for me to spend time thinking, like I do when I am talking. I often find that many people respond quickly in a conversation and I feel that when I type it comes out in that same manner. Text is clearer and more to the point and conveys exactly what I mean. There’s no stumbling or long pauses and I don’t have to say, ‘I’m sorry I’m not very good at explaining things,’ or, ‘you know what I mean,’ or any related phrases.

With writing, you can reach more people, especially now with the Internet. The voiceless now have a powerful voice that can inspire, influence and guide others. 

If you feel the same, I encourage you to write. You have a gift to share with the world. 

…and that is why I write. 

Uncategorized

A Letter Of Love // 5 Year Anniversary

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You inspire me to be myself by letting me be me, giving me space to breathe and learn how to grow in the way I want to. I adore the way you are – your patience, kindness, ability to care for me in exactly the way I need, the way you make me laugh when I’m feeling down, your amazing insights and how you read people so well, that you are dedicated to your work, that you are open minded and don’t complain about people’s differences like so many people do, your stability, the way you are so intelligent about life and know how to fix anything and what to do but still let me decide for myself no matter how much I beg you to tell me what to do, your calm presence, your positivity and the way you let things go. For the lack of care you hold for of the opinions of others and how you do what you want rather than what others want of you, for your guidance, your intuition, your logical mind and the comfort I feel from you when I’ve had a bad day and just want to cry. You are my solace, my place of happiness and support.

I was attracted to who you were; who you are, and fell in love with you on a level far beyond anything I’ve ever felt. At the time our friendship would have been enough for me but when someone pointed out our chemistry, my feelings grew stronger. “It’s obvious he likes you, he follows you around like a puppy.” And I remember the moment that I looked across the lab and smiled at you and you grinned back and I felt it. Most importantly, I love the way you are always there for me. I’d always get home from work and speak to you online. “Carl you better be online…” and there you were. Always. I love you.

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Lifestyle · Opinion · vegan

How The Manchester Bombing Made Me Realise That Humanity Will Never Be Vegan, So What’s The Point In Trying?

Disclaimer: I want to address this matter as sensitively as I can. I do not want to take the thoughts off those that were killed, injured and traumatised. Therefore, I ask if you will read what I have to say with an open heart. I am not using this to push my beliefs on others. I only want to inspire a better world. 

Humanity works on a spectrum. There are those who are the tallest and the shortest and  those who are the strongest and the weakest. Therefore, there are also those that are good and bad to the extremes. This week something horrific happened in Britain. ISIS took responsibility for another terrorist attack in the UK. The horror is unimaginable and I couldn’t help putting myself there, in the crowds. I was the dying woman, being comforted by the homeless man, the child who had no legs and the running teenagers trying to find their parents.

It’s hard for me, as a pacifist, to see why anyone would justify murder. I can agree that many would think that I am an extremist on the left hand side of the political spectrum. It’s physically sewn into me to have a deep opposition to violence of any kind. I was born with a sensitive essence and a single bout of violence or conflict makes me feel physically ill. I feel sick, shake, cry and feel all kinds of negative emotions and physical sensations. That’s how I can see that there are people who have the opposite effect, or are unable to care. I am physically forced to care. There are no boundaries to protect me other than avoidance. All I can do about it is mediate and promote peace.

As a Brit, I am pretty clueless to why terrorists are attacking the western world. I’ve heard so many different opinions online and off but I still don’t understand it fully. I’m only admitting this because I believe there is no way any of us, who is not a member of ISIS or considering it, really will ever understand. To us, it is ludicrous to even consider the thoughts inside these peoples heads, that justifies what they are doing. Our culture is the only way most of us have ever lived and so we are going to be biased towards it and we are going to want to protect it. It’s hard for us to see why would anyone want to destroy our way of living.

Although the solidarity was incredibly moving and probably one of the only good things to come out of the attacks, the worst thing that came after was the racism. All I can see behind these racist comments are close minded and uneducated people, who are scared. They want us to ban Muslims from entering the country and many want us to bomb the terrorists. This just can’t be done. They are all over the world, in this country and in many others. There is no way that we can even find out who they all are, never mind kill them all, especially without innocent people being killed. If you lived in a village where there were crazy gunmen running free, would you think that it would be justified to bomb the entire village to kill them all, including all of the innocent people who have there doors locked in fear. What if one of those innocent people was you? I can’t see how that is ever justified. It is murder. I would hope that most people would understand how unethical that would be.

It’s apparent to some of us, but not all of us, that Islam is not the problem but the extremists themselves are. Just as I said earlier, many things in life are on a spectrum. I want to promote peace, they don’t. It’s simple, yet complicated. If Islam was the problem, we would be having far worse issues than we are today. The problem lies within humanity. There have been many who have fought for land, power and weapons over greed, selfishness and religion for all of our existence. It’s not something new. Correct me if I’m wrong, as I am not exactly well versed in the religion. I’ve heard it’s contradictory and I’m pretty sure that ISIS is getting a lot out of bombing us and I can believe that they are doing it in order to gain more popularity as more and more people hate on Muslims.

We still have a lot of growing to do in this country. However, let’s not forget that we have already grown as a collective in so many ways. In this country women politically have the same rights as men. Change will continue to happen if we work on it. Our ideologies have changed. When something like this happens, people act and speak out of fear. It’s natural to do this. However, the fear from the initial problem creates more problems, as we start to see our own protection as the most important thing. We don’t think about those who live in war zones right now, whose lives have been completely ruined by ISIS. We want freedom from terror but the way we think we should go about it will not always create that freedom that we want. How is it freeing to export innocent Muslims, who are conscious people just like you and I, into a place governed by evil, a place full of poverty and war? How is it freeing to bomb countries and risk killing thousands of innocent people, just like you and I?

I can already feel people hitting me over the head. I know the world isn’t black and white and I know that in my life time I will never see a perfect world, or one that’s perfect to me, but what’s so wrong with working towards positive change? What’s wrong with giving a damn? Ever heard the saying, ‘be the change you want to see in the world?’ Change starts from an individuals desire to make the world they perceive a better place for as many as possible.

If you aren’t vegan, you probably still know that vegans want a vegan world, where no animal will experience violence at the hand of a human, even though most of us know that this will never happen.  The reasons why it won’t happen are so clear to me today. Even after all the centuries that have passed, people are still being hurt and killed by our own kind. Right now, there is no way that I can believe that humans will all stop doing the same to animals.

Killing animals and using them for the greed of human kind is violence, whatever way you look at it. Most people just accept it as just something that has to be done. You might think that vegans aren’t making a difference but as populations increase we will eventually run out of time to fix the issues that are inevitable. We are just trying to make the world a little better.

As a rule, humans generally follow each other, which creates our society. The more humans promote peace, for humanity and the way we treat other species, the better. The more people promoted women’s rights, the closer it got to us actually receiving them. Please be on the side of good, always, and please promote peace, always.

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Lifestyle

Do I Have Coeliac Disease?

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NB To get a diagnosis you have to at least have a blood test and then potentially a biopsy via endoscopy (eek). In medical terms it appears that you either have it or you don’t. There’s no diagnosis for gluten sensitivity. Not yet anyway but I hear it’s being worked on.

I’ve had a lot of the symptoms associated with Coeliac Disease. However, what made me decide to give up gluten was my period. I was suffering horrendously with pain and discomfort. Every month was the same and I’d be so worried a few days before. I knew what was coming. Severe pain where I couldn’t even stand upright, never mind walk normally. I was so bloated I looked like I was pregnant. I couldn’t go to the toilet without feeling like my insides were being teared apart. I was exhausted and frazzled. I always thought that the pain felt more in my bowels than where you’re suppose to get period pain. I had brain fog, anxiety and felt very low during them. I had cystitis every time. After researching, I was convinced I probably had endometriosis and went to the doctors. Many times I was told to go on the pill. I didn’t want to. I had bad side effects in the past that lasted all month and I hated the idea of putting synthetic hormones in my body to mask the fact that my body was suffering and was telling me to heal. However, the pain got worse each month and I had to do something. I even started to feel some of the symptoms throughout the month. I very reluctantly took the pill and oh did it cause havoc. They gave me a progesterone only pill because it was suppose to cause less side effects. So not only was I getting headaches and anxiety from it, I was constantly in a really bad mood. I felt detached and worthless, to say the least. The doctor told me to give it time so I did.

The first month was just as bad, if not worse, than my period normally was. It was my birthday and I was in agony. I had took some pills and decided that I wanted to go out for my birthday. I spent two hours in the passenger seat of the car, doubled over, dreading every bump in the road. I raced round Ikea the quickest I ever had, hunched over and then headed home. I spent the rest of the day in the bath and in bed and the next day my stomach was so sore. The night before I had been out for a birthday meal and I had eaten a pizza. I was convinced it had something to do with what I was eating. I looked up to see if there was a correlation between dairy, gluten and endometriosis and there was. I don’t think there were studies but real people online in forums saying that giving these things up helped.

My period the next month was a breeze. Barely any pain and I almost felt like I had finally found a cure. I knew deep down that I was masking it but for a while it was worth the side effects. Then I read a book called Sweetening The Pill. This confirmed that I needed to stop taking it. I had already been vegan for a few months and my digestion has improved so I thought that perhaps I would be OK or I could at least tolerate it. When I came off I was faced with pain again. I felt like I had no choice but to go back on it. I begun researching some more about a gluten free diet. It didn’t make sense that it would work – how does gluten affect the menstrual cycle? I’m not going to get scientific but many have reason to believe it does. I had nothing to lose so I gave it a go. I had very little pain on my next period and I was so happy. The one after that was completely pain free. It had worked. My life improved greatly after that. I also began to feel better in other ways too. My headaches and migraines decreased, my cystitis was hardly an issue anymore, I had less acid reflux and nausea, my cycle regulated and I felt like I had more energy.

It’s hard for people to understand that you have a gluten sensitivity. There’s this stigma around it that if you haven’t been diagnosed, you don’t have an issue. I can feel it though, but I don’t want to tell people I don’t eat gluten because it makes my periods really bad. I didn’t tell many people and I still ate gluten occasionally when people gave me cake and biscuits. This past month I ate a lot more than usual. I had bread with a vegan burger, bread rolls to absorb acid when I was out and felt bad, churros at a vegan festival, several cakes as people at work had made them especially so I would have felt bad not to eat them (plus they were tasty) and I had some falafel. I decided to use it beneficially as an experiment.

So the results are almost all in. My stomach hasn’t been feeling good. I’ve had more nausea and acid reflux. I had daily headaches for over a week (I used to get chronic headaches as a teenager). My period is days late (so it’s already becoming irregular) but I can tell it is coming because I have a little cystitis and I can feel a little pain. I had a week and a half of PMS. It hurt to go to the toilet this morning. Lastly, my mood has been very low. I think that’s all of it.

Coeliac Disease can be very detrimental to your health, which is why I have realised that it is very important to know if I have it or not. In order to get tested, and if the doctor will actually allow me to, I will need to eat gluten everyday for several weeks. This is the bit I am not looking forward to. I probably won’t go through with the endoscopy unless I can get a lot more sedation than last time. I had too much adrenaline and as soon as they were putting the pipe in I was pulling it out and couldn’t calm down. It was terrifying! I will book an appointment shortly.

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