Subtle Things That Happens When You Go Vegan (That You’ve Never Thought About)

Here’s some things that have happened to me. Not necessarily experienced by all.

1. You get to learn how to say no because of the times where you’ve had to decide between you looking polite or cows suffering. It makes it easier for you to say no by putting yourself first also.

2. The excitement of finding new items in the Free From supermarket ranges. Tesco’s Blackcurrant cheesecake anyone?

3. The excitement of finding another vegan! Making new friends that are also vegan is wonderful.

4. When your Mum gets out her blood pressure monitor and she offers to take your blood pressure for fun and you find out that you have perfect results. (Just me…?)

5. When you see through the fear mongering articles trying to get people to drink cows milk. The milk industry is getting scared, bless. It means people are seeing it for what it really is.

6. You become more aware of what’s in your food as you’re reading all the labels. E171, what’s that? *Googles* –> Titanium Dioxide A Carcinogen. What?! I’m not eating that.

7. You may grow to let spiders just be. They don’t creep me out as much anymore! I can even grab some tissue and let them climb on to be moved (small ones only – I’m working my way up).

There’s more but that’s all I could think of in a short space of time. Do you have anything to share? 

Haunting Nights

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Beating drum beats out of beat,

Causing crashing, crying, collapsing,

Innocent in the bunk below,

I am her protector with the remote control,

Chucking up drunk in the darkness,

Fingertips scratching in my ears,

If only they could understand,

Their sounds are more than just a whisper,

Implanting Arthur’s sword into old wounds,

Alone I cry, alone I cry.

 

Stillness of morning is eerily calming,

Black scars laid down flat,

Arms wrapped around my glasses,

As another knot on my belt is added.

10 Recent Realisations

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It’s been a while since I last wrote a blog post. There’s a reason for that. I guess it’s partly a lack of motivation but right now I’m putting more effort into writing my book, making things and writing nice things for my Instagram posts (sarahnityxo if you are interested). I have discovered my love for writing poetry. I like how disordered it can be. It doesn’t need to rhyme and it doesn’t need to make perfect sense. I like how I can put my feelings into a few lines and somehow it just works. I also like taking photos for it and editing them.

I’ve come to some realisations recently and I want to share them.

  1. I’m not that much of a great writer. I enjoy it but I have a lot to learn and so I am.
  2. Struggle is there for a reason. To help us grow.
  3. Meditation can be done (almost) anywhere, like on a train.
  4. There is a little path down to the lake that I have wanted to go towards for years and it is wonderful down there.
  5. I have to nuture my spiritual side in order for me to feel fulfilled in life.
  6. London still continues to delight and excite me. Camden Town is amazing.
  7. Making new friends and connecting with people you just click with is more important than focusing on those you don’t.
  8. Positive feelings can be almost as overwhelming as negative ones.
  9. I won’t be able to exercise unless I actually do! It’s literally one of the biggest challenges to get myself to do any!
  10. Working is more enjoyable when I focus on other parts of it such as connecting with people.

I Am Her

Note: this art is not mine, it is a print from Claire Michelle @plantifulsoul


I am constantly changing,

Growing, evolving and opening up,

Towards more abundance, gratitude and love,

Making peace with my inner critic,

And believing my true self,

For she is the one that holds the power,

And she is the one that carries me safely,

To a place without greed, judgement or chaos,

She is my passion, my essence and my truth,

I now know what I must do,

To connect with her for eternity,

I must love her.

When I Called For More It Appeared // The Law Of Attraction

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It took me a while for me to understand the law of attraction because really I needed to feel it to believe it. Basically, it’s a way to manifest your desires and what you truly want out of life.

It’s about taking limiting negative beliefs away, thinking about what you do want and taking the necessary steps to get there.

Thoughts become feelings and feelings become things. You won’t get what you want if:

You don’t love yourself
You make up excuses
You constantly put yourself down
You don’t live in abundance
You think you are lacking

I wanted more out of life. I was pretty unhappy. Not long after, I had watched some videos on the law of attraction and manifesting dreams because I wanted to do that. Manifest my dreams. Amazing things started to happen. My heart felt full and my mind experienced clarity for the first time in my entire life. That feeling hasn’t stopped. My life begun to have purpose because I was giving it purpose.

I am opening up to my spiritual side. The side had locked away. I am allowing myself to feel everything. I am allowing myself to feel happy.

A while ago I said that I was writing a book. I was lost at first but I have now found my way. I hope to have it done by this summer so watch this space. As always, thank you all for being here. I am so grateful to you all.

Abundance And Fulfilment

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It’s been a while, I know.

I’ve been going through some kind of transformation. You see, when you get into a dark place one of two things happen. You either continue to spiral downwards until you see no reason to live or you search for a small flicker and slowly climb towards it until it fills up your being.

I chose the latter.

Winter is a bad time for me. I get pretty low. As we draw further away from it, so does my mind. It’s metaphorical for me. It helps lift the strain that chains down my body in the cold and dark corner of my cage. I saw that light. It was a firefly and it asked me to follow it.

I gave in to my emotions. I gave in what I truly wanted, after searching for so long. Out of pain and struggle comes amazing growth. After giving into the divine, my inner voice spoke. It told me to write. To write everything that I had been holding on to. That I can write the book that I have wanted to for months. Lines of clarity and pureness spilled out from my heart, through my veins, unleashed out of my nerve endings at my fingertips and appeared delicately in front of me. Words blanketed empty spaces and I began to feel whole. A fulfilment that has called out for me like a baby crying for it’s mother.

My writing is well under way now.

Thanks for those who have stuck by me during this time. I appreciate and love you all so much. My ultimate dream is to feel abundance and fulfilment. I want that for you to in whatever way you desire. Nameste. x

Not Fitting Into Society + Feeling Empty


I’ve been so up and down recently.

One thing I am sure of is that I don’t feel like I want to live in a way that suits society. As in, get a job, get married, have kids, settle down then retire. That has never appealed to me. I don’t know if it’s some form of rebellion or if it’s something deeper but I don’t want that. I want a creative life. I have many dreams but they always seem unreachable and I am always bringing myself down after realising this. I am stuck in society’s maze and I am jealous of every single person that has found their way out.

I’ve become vegan and that has been a huge step outside already. Part of me wants to fit into that mold but most of me wants to run. I have these feelings of wanting more, as I’ve mentioned before. I want to travel and perhaps live in California, which is crazy because I’m in the UK and it would be extremely hard for me to get a visa there. I don’t want to do a conventional job. It’s mind numbing. I want to have more freedom. I want to give up my Open University course, which I have been totally slacking on for a reason I didn’t know. I just don’t want to work in science anymore. It was never a passion of mine. I just followed the path because I didn’t know what else I wanted to do when I was 16. How are you suppose to know that early on what life you want to live when you have barely lived? The UK’s school system is so faulty in that way.

Yet I can hear all of the voices of those who don’t have these feelings and those who do but continue to ignore them because they have missed their chance of living their dreams. They are telling me that I am choosing to run from responsibility and security and that I should just be grateful for all I have. That I should supress these feelings. Who am I to live the life of my dreams? Then I feel guilty and I go back to the reality around me of not really living and not being a part of anything that makes me feel alive.

The world is colourful on the outside but grey on the inside. I go to work and I smile. I visit family and I smile. I force myself to conform as there’s bills to pay and people to please. However, on the inside I am trapped and I wriggle in the uncomfortable lies that I am telling everyone.

I see no way out of this job as they are all the same and no way out of this place with unpleasant weather that makes me spend so much time indoors. Too much time thinking. The winter is the worst time of the year for me. It’s long and dark and draining. I fill my life with distractions. I go vegan and educate myself on spirituality and I take an amazing yoga class to take myself away and I tell myself that this is enough but really I am just giving myself a tiny preview of what my life could be like and it’s making the heaviness in my chest deepen.

Yesterday I found a post on walking depression. So many people feel like this. So many. I am not alone.

I have no answers. Every time I start to accept the way things are, I go back to living an ordinary life but every time I do, I take a further step back. I don’t know how long it will keep happening before I crumble. I fear that life will never be enough.

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