How come it’s so easy for us humans to see our differences? More so than it is to see our similarities. We are all made from the same material and the same way, literally from star dust. We are the universe as much as everything else is. Why can’t you see it? The vastness beyond the surface. The deep layers of who we really are. We have this amazing ability to see beyond the reality we are taught. We are told to perceive it a certain way. We are told it is wrong to show sympathy for certain people. We are told it is wrong to be a certain way and so we punish ourselves internally. The only way you can know what is really right is by looking within because everything we have and need is inside ourselves. Stop listening to other people and start listen to yourself fully. Once you do this, your reality starts to change in amazing ways. I really wish this would have been drilled into us as kids and not the bs that only benefits society ☮️.
Beating drum beats out of beat,
Causing crashing, crying, collapsing,
Innocent in the bunk below,
I am her protector with the remote control,
Chucking up drunk in the darkness,
Fingertips scratching in my ears,
If only they could understand,
Their sounds are more than just a whisper,
Implanting Arthur’s sword into old wounds,
Alone I cry, alone I cry.
Stillness of morning is eerily calming,
Black scars laid down flat,
Arms wrapped around my glasses,
As another knot on my belt is added.
It’s been a while since I last wrote a blog post. There’s a reason for that. I guess it’s partly a lack of motivation but right now I’m putting more effort into writing my book, making things and writing nice things for my Instagram posts (sarahnityxo if you are interested). I have discovered my love for writing poetry. I like how disordered it can be. It doesn’t need to rhyme and it doesn’t need to make perfect sense. I like how I can put my feelings into a few lines and somehow it just works. I also like taking photos for it and editing them.
I’ve come to some realisations recently and I want to share them.
- I’m not that much of a great writer. I enjoy it but I have a lot to learn and so I am.
- Struggle is there for a reason. To help us grow.
- Meditation can be done (almost) anywhere, like on a train.
- There is a little path down to the lake that I have wanted to go towards for years and it is wonderful down there.
- I have to nuture my spiritual side in order for me to feel fulfilled in life.
- London still continues to delight and excite me. Camden Town is amazing.
- Making new friends and connecting with people you just click with is more important than focusing on those you don’t.
- Positive feelings can be almost as overwhelming as negative ones.
- I won’t be able to exercise unless I actually do! It’s literally one of the biggest challenges to get myself to do any!
- Working is more enjoyable when I focus on other parts of it such as connecting with people.
It took me a while for me to understand the law of attraction because really I needed to feel it to believe it. Basically, it’s a way to manifest your desires and what you truly want out of life.
It’s about taking limiting negative beliefs away, thinking about what you do want and taking the necessary steps to get there.
Thoughts become feelings and feelings become things. You won’t get what you want if:
You don’t love yourself
You make up excuses
You constantly put yourself down
You don’t live in abundance
You think you are lacking
I wanted more out of life. I was pretty unhappy. Not long after, I had watched some videos on the law of attraction and manifesting dreams because I wanted to do that. Manifest my dreams. Amazing things started to happen. My heart felt full and my mind experienced clarity for the first time in my entire life. That feeling hasn’t stopped. My life begun to have purpose because I was giving it purpose.
I am opening up to my spiritual side. The side had locked away. I am allowing myself to feel everything. I am allowing myself to feel happy.
A while ago I said that I was writing a book. I was lost at first but I have now found my way. I hope to have it done by this summer so watch this space. As always, thank you all for being here. I am so grateful to you all.
I was in a certain shop today, which was hosting an everything-must-go sale. I was amazed at the prices of the books. Most of them were £2 to £4! I grabbed six books on yoga, meditation and mindfulness and headed to the counter before I picked up any more. I waited a couple of minutes for the lady in front to pay and then stepped up to the desk. The assistant’s hand was extended to me and in it was a 20% off voucher. I was unsure what she was doing with it as she wasn’t looking in my direction. ‘Here, take it,’ she whispered and I saw her eyes darting around, making sure that no one was looking. I took the voucher, unsure of what to make of the situation. My thoughts immediately went to wondering if it was legal. Is this some form of stealing, I wondered. I always run through my values when making a decision prior to an action. The assistant read out the total amount to be just over £13. I asked for a carrier bag and she said she wasn’t going to charge me for it. I was astonished. I had paid a very little amount for quite a few books and hadn’t been charged 5p for the carrier bag. I said, ‘thank you very much,’ and left. On reflection, I believe the assistant gave me the extra amount out off of kindness. I received another voucher which will definitely be spent. I walked out with a smile on my face that warmed me up for hours. It’s still making me feel happy now, just thinking about it. It has made my day.
So, I will repay this lady by passing on the small act of kindness to another and hopefully they, or you, will be inspired to do the same. You could make someone’s day turn from bad to good just by helping them out. Kindness is one of the most valuable gifts you can give.
I had to stay in today as I was expecting deliveries from Amazon. They came but it was pretty late so I ended up not going out anywhere except for the supermarket. I ate this microwaved rice which was a little burnt and made me feel ill. I also had hiccups earlier so I think that also contributed to the sick feeling I’ve had all afternoon.
So I spent a lot of the afternoon watching a new show with Carl on Netflix called The Shanara Chronicles. It’s really good and I highly recommend it. The place it is set in is lovely. It’s about the future from now, after a nuclear war, with elves, gnomes, druids and demons as well as some humans. It’s definitely one to binge on.
I wrote a blog post earlier today about a song I had listened to. It is by this band I’ve just discovered called Cross Record. They have a Youtube channel and are on Spotify. The vocals are quite wispy and they have something deep and raw about them. The post I wrote was about feelings that I had after listening to the song. I could have written that as part of Blogmas but it didn’t feel right. Sometimes I get really passionate about something and have to write something there and then. I wrote it into a notebook and then copied it out. These spurts of creativity come and go and having this place to express myself is wonderful. I love having an outlet to do that.
The written word comes to me far more readily than the spoken word. It’s almost like a translation error where my brain doesn’t know how to decrypt my thoughts properly and they all come out jumbled. My language is written English and not spoken English. It can make it very difficult in talking to people effectively.
I didn’t really do anything Christmas-y today. My parcels came with lots of presents that now need wrapping. I can’t believe how close it is to Christmas! It’s so exciting!
So I’m listening to this song called High Rise by Cross Record then I figured that I better get moving and get ready for the day.
Then I have this thought.
How can I do that?
Go from listening to an amazingly artful song full of haunting beauty and deep perfection that hits every note of my soulful mind and just get up, get dressed, brush my hair and, by doing that, enter a plain, monotonous and ordinary existence.
How does one not live without experiencing these moments that touch the very being of pureness and ecstasy?
How can one not experience these amazing encounters that make every atom in your body vibrate on a higher plane of existence?
I can feel it.
Every single piece of my body is opening up to listen and experience an elite paradise.
It needs to do this in order to feel alive.
Yet I feel a deep sadness in this moment for those who will never feel like this in all of their existence.
For one amazing spirit lifting high, there are one hundred gut wrenching lows, ripping me into depression, that all still seem to have a silent, immensely dark beauty that no one will truly understand but me.
Art doesn’t need an explanation. It’s power is deadly yet so alive. It unleashes inspiration and opens up an eye that I don’t see through without it. One that sees the world differently, through a thousand new perspectives. I’ve still got to get up and do normal things to stop the overwhelm from completely defeating me. But, how can I?