For as long as I remember I have allowed fear to control my life. A few years ago I wouldn’t even leave the safety of the house unless I had to. I wouldn’t interact with people unless I had to or unless I trusted them. I couldn’t walk down the street without having to turn back after 200 yards, feeling like the air was pinching my skin and the ground was going to pull me over. Going to public places alone was too intense and exhausting. I would cry and cry and wonder why my life was so hard. I was paralysed by my own self worth. I hated being me. I had hidden my internal thoughts and feelings for so long that they had manifested into mental and physical pain. I became ill and abused myself, and for what? For not wanting to be me. But who else could I be? I didn’t want people to see who I really was. I didn’t honour my sensitivity or my feelings and needs. My intuition was bruised and I had weaved negativity deep into my veins. Somewhere along the way, I had enough and I began untangling the mess inside my head. I reached out to others and I started nurturing myself in anyway that I needed. I practiced gratitude and self care. I took up yoga and meditation. I started to eat better. I started writing poetry on my Instagram and I started a blog and I begun voicing my feelings out to the world. Then others began to hear what I had to say and by doing that I was honouring who I truly was. I discovered an amazing internal world that I was proud of and I wanted to share it. I unstrapped my inner child and embraced her. I set myself free.
Taken from my Instagram. Follow me: @sarahnityxo
How come it’s so easy for us humans to see our differences? More so than it is to see our similarities. We are all made from the same material and the same way, literally from star dust. We are the universe as much as everything else is. Why can’t you see it? The vastness beyond the surface. The deep layers of who we really are. We have this amazing ability to see beyond the reality we are taught. We are told to perceive it a certain way. We are told it is wrong to show sympathy for certain people. We are told it is wrong to be a certain way and so we punish ourselves internally. The only way you can know what is really right is by looking within because everything we have and need is inside ourselves. Stop listening to other people and start listen to yourself fully. Once you do this, your reality starts to change in amazing ways. I really wish this would have been drilled into us as kids and not the bs that only benefits society ☮️.
It’s been a while since I last wrote a blog post. There’s a reason for that. I guess it’s partly a lack of motivation but right now I’m putting more effort into writing my book, making things and writing nice things for my Instagram posts (sarahnityxo if you are interested). I have discovered my love for writing poetry. I like how disordered it can be. It doesn’t need to rhyme and it doesn’t need to make perfect sense. I like how I can put my feelings into a few lines and somehow it just works. I also like taking photos for it and editing them.
I’ve come to some realisations recently and I want to share them.
- I’m not that much of a great writer. I enjoy it but I have a lot to learn and so I am.
- Struggle is there for a reason. To help us grow.
- Meditation can be done (almost) anywhere, like on a train.
- There is a little path down to the lake that I have wanted to go towards for years and it is wonderful down there.
- I have to nuture my spiritual side in order for me to feel fulfilled in life.
- London still continues to delight and excite me. Camden Town is amazing.
- Making new friends and connecting with people you just click with is more important than focusing on those you don’t.
- Positive feelings can be almost as overwhelming as negative ones.
- I won’t be able to exercise unless I actually do! It’s literally one of the biggest challenges to get myself to do any!
- Working is more enjoyable when I focus on other parts of it such as connecting with people.
I am constantly changing,
Growing, evolving and opening up,
Towards more abundance, gratitude and love,
Making peace with my inner critic,
And believing my true self,
For she is the one that holds the power,
And she is the one that carries me safely,
To a place without greed, judgement or chaos,
She is my passion, my essence and my truth,
I now know what I must do,
To connect with her for eternity,
I must love her.
It took me a while for me to understand the law of attraction because really I needed to feel it to believe it. Basically, it’s a way to manifest your desires and what you truly want out of life.
It’s about taking limiting negative beliefs away, thinking about what you do want and taking the necessary steps to get there.
Thoughts become feelings and feelings become things. You won’t get what you want if:
You don’t love yourself
You make up excuses
You constantly put yourself down
You don’t live in abundance
You think you are lacking
I wanted more out of life. I was pretty unhappy. Not long after, I had watched some videos on the law of attraction and manifesting dreams because I wanted to do that. Manifest my dreams. Amazing things started to happen. My heart felt full and my mind experienced clarity for the first time in my entire life. That feeling hasn’t stopped. My life begun to have purpose because I was giving it purpose.
I am opening up to my spiritual side. The side had locked away. I am allowing myself to feel everything. I am allowing myself to feel happy.
A while ago I said that I was writing a book. I was lost at first but I have now found my way. I hope to have it done by this summer so watch this space. As always, thank you all for being here. I am so grateful to you all.
It’s been a while, I know.
I’ve been going through some kind of transformation. You see, when you get into a dark place one of two things happen. You either continue to spiral downwards until you see no reason to live or you search for a small flicker and slowly climb towards it until it fills up your being.
I chose the latter.
Winter is a bad time for me. I get pretty low. As we draw further away from it, so does my mind. It’s metaphorical for me. It helps lift the strain that chains down my body in the cold and dark corner of my cage. I saw that light. It was a firefly and it asked me to follow it.
I gave in to my emotions. I gave in what I truly wanted, after searching for so long. Out of pain and struggle comes amazing growth. After giving into the divine, my inner voice spoke. It told me to write. To write everything that I had been holding on to. That I can write the book that I have wanted to for months. Lines of clarity and pureness spilled out from my heart, through my veins, unleashed out of my nerve endings at my fingertips and appeared delicately in front of me. Words blanketed empty spaces and I began to feel whole. A fulfilment that has called out for me like a baby crying for it’s mother.
My writing is well under way now.
Thanks for those who have stuck by me during this time. I appreciate and love you all so much. My ultimate dream is to feel abundance and fulfilment. I want that for you to in whatever way you desire. Nameste. x
I was in a certain shop today, which was hosting an everything-must-go sale. I was amazed at the prices of the books. Most of them were £2 to £4! I grabbed six books on yoga, meditation and mindfulness and headed to the counter before I picked up any more. I waited a couple of minutes for the lady in front to pay and then stepped up to the desk. The assistant’s hand was extended to me and in it was a 20% off voucher. I was unsure what she was doing with it as she wasn’t looking in my direction. ‘Here, take it,’ she whispered and I saw her eyes darting around, making sure that no one was looking. I took the voucher, unsure of what to make of the situation. My thoughts immediately went to wondering if it was legal. Is this some form of stealing, I wondered. I always run through my values when making a decision prior to an action. The assistant read out the total amount to be just over £13. I asked for a carrier bag and she said she wasn’t going to charge me for it. I was astonished. I had paid a very little amount for quite a few books and hadn’t been charged 5p for the carrier bag. I said, ‘thank you very much,’ and left. On reflection, I believe the assistant gave me the extra amount out off of kindness. I received another voucher which will definitely be spent. I walked out with a smile on my face that warmed me up for hours. It’s still making me feel happy now, just thinking about it. It has made my day.
So, I will repay this lady by passing on the small act of kindness to another and hopefully they, or you, will be inspired to do the same. You could make someone’s day turn from bad to good just by helping them out. Kindness is one of the most valuable gifts you can give.