I’m a perfectionist and I didn’t know it for 25 years. It’s only since having this blog that I have figure it out.
If things aren’t perfect and don’t seem like they ever will be, I start comparing myself to others. This is the first thing I noticed. Since starting a blog I have compared my blog to others. My banner isn’t as good as theirs. My photos are not as good as theirs. I don’t have as many comments as them. The only thing I have been thankful for is that everyone’s view counts are hidden so I can’t compare that. Of course they are going to have more views than me because they are so much more likeable. However, in actual fact they have probably had their blog a lot longer than 4 months and they probably have had a lot more promotion from themselves and from others. Then I start thinking about how their content is better than mine and that I should put a lot more effort in. Although I do have lots of other commitments that take up a lot of my time. But then I’m making excuses and so on and so on. My thoughts fight like that in my head constantly and it’s annoying.
One example of this is my username. It took me a while to come up with ‘Sarahnity’ as the name for my blog. It’s a play on the word serenity, so you say it ‘serenity.’ I like it a lot. Picking a username was always a challenge for me because nothing was good enough. Nothing sounded like me, whilst incorporating words I like. Over the past 10 years I have had countless Youtube accounts because I no longer liked my username and I wanted to start over because that last account isn’t as good as a clean fresh one. After buying my domain name and starting my blog I made a Twitter account and eventually an Instagram account. Oh no! ‘Sarahnity is always taken.’ I was not changing my blog after all the work I put into it and I had paid for my domain. I was annoyed at myself for not checking this sooner. So I ended up using my username as ‘Sarahnityxo.’ It was as good as it was going to get. Now I’m wanted to start a Tumblr account and both ‘Sarahnity’ and ‘Sarahnityxo’ are available. Do I keep them all the same or use my original? Ah!
Another thing I have figured out from having a blog is that I like perfect grammar, perfect spelling and a perfect layout. I’ll go back and read a blog post from weeks ago and noticed that my grammar isn’t right and edit it. I guess this isn’t a bad thing but I will never accept that it is OK and leave it. It’s more of a bad thing when I see that my picture needs another space between it and the text to match the other ones. When it’s perfect I am happy and can relax.
A similar thing happens at home. When the house needs cleaning I often think well it will never be clean enough because of the damp and mould issues that we have so what’s the point? Although, when I do clean the house look a lot better even if it’s not perfect.
If things aren’t perfect I start to lose motivation. I stop doing that thing. I give up on my dreams as unreachable things that I am not good enough to do. I put myself down and don’t try as hard because I don’t think I can do it.
Now I have realised this I can do something about it. This is me accepting my usernames as they are. This is me telling myself that I can do anything that I want to do. That I can achieve anything that I want to achieve. I am scared of wasting my life and not doing what I want because I don’t think that I can. When I start to lost motivation I am going to take that and use it to prove to myself that I can do it.
P.S. I decided to keep all my usernames the same except for my blog.