Opinion

How I Feel Right Now About Having Children

 

(L-R) Dad, my brother and I on holiday and my Nan and I in her garden

Ask me how I felt about having kids ten years ago and I’d have said a big stern NO. Ask me a few months ago and it would be the same answer. Ask me now…

I made a pact when I was in secondary school with my two best friends. I remember it so clearly. We were having a debate about abortion in the cloak room. I loved debating with them. One of my friends generally had a different opinion and that made it interesting, whilst the other had a similar one to me so I had the best of both. It was then we all agreed to never have kids. I miss the days with those two. I don’t miss the insecurities I had at that age but I really miss those two. I see them a couple of times a year now. We all live in different counties and all have our own careers. OK Sarah back away from the soppy stuff! We’ve grown up. That’s the point here. I know for sure that one of them wants a family of her own. I think we can safely say that the pact will be no more. We are all sensible. We are not the type of people who have kids when they can’t afford it. Don’t get me wrong, I know it’s not always planned and I know that some people will never have enough money to afford to give their children everything that I would want to give them – that shouldn’t mean they shouldn’t have their right to have children taken away from them. You know what I’m saying?

I was always afraid. I hate being ill and being in pain. I fear it. Pregnancy and child birth were terrifying for me from a young age. I never wanted to be terrified and thought that if I became pregnant I’d be in a continuously anxious state. I’ve been there before and it was hell.

Now I am 24, I have overcome so many of my fears and I am maturing. I have a different outlook on life. A positive one. I have realised that you only live once and what this truly means. I don’t want to take life for granted and I don’t want to be lying on my death bed and regretting my life. Lots of people around me are having children and they are so happy.

So I began researching. I begun with my fears and how women who have been through pregnancy have coped (that’s a lot of women). I watch many Youtube videos. I learnt a lot but I will tell you the two things that stuck out to me. The first was that ‘being pregnant was the most natural thing in the world.’ This was from a woman who had once thought that it was scary to have something ‘alien’ inside of you! The second was that a woman who suffered from morning sickness. She said that she rather be the one being sick as it was better than letting her child suffer. So once you become pregnant you instinctively feel a connection with the child and you want to protect it from that young. That was pretty heart warming.

I’ve also learnt to not be put off by bad experiences. The ones they put on TV are there for the ratings. Most experiences are positive.

I’ve been through pain before. It’s over now but at the time it was very unpleasant. The point here is that pregnancy and childbirth it is temporary and it’s not as scary. It’s not like being in awful pain and being scared as you don’t know what it is. It is natural. Plus once your pregnant child birth is something you have to go through. You just have to. That’s a good mentality to have.

An epidural is apparently amazing. No pain! The things that scare me are the consequences. Being cut open down there and being stitched up sounds incredibly painful for a long time. C-sections sound terrifying. I get acid reflux a lot anyway so I know that will get worse. I have bladder problems too so a baby pushing down on my bladder is going to be painful. But I’ve been through similar pain before.

I have also thought about my own experience. I had a hard time being a teenager up until early this year when my mental state improved and I gained confidence and strength. Last year I didn’t want to bring a child up because I was so unhappy. I didn’t want to bring anyone into this world as it was a world of suffering. I don’t feel that way any more. I am happy.

I only have this one life and do I really want to miss out on this amazing experience? I never thought I’d be asking myself this question.

I’m not ready right now. I want to do it the way that feels right. Great relationship? Check. Married, home owner and financially and mentally ready? Well that may take a while. Ask me in five years and I might be ready. I’m starting to think I can handle it!

If it fails then I want to live in a house with some land. I’ll have 2 dogs, 2 guinea pigs, 4 pigmy goats, 3 shetland ponies, two tortoises, a horse and a loving husband. Hopefully some nephews and nieces as well.

How do you feel? What was your experience?

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